My family took a summer trip which involved hilarious excursions along the east coast, a baseball tournament, and time with my side of the family. We drove from Nashville to Buffalo, NY to Niagara Falls to Cooperstown, NY and then to New Jersey (taking the train to NYC). We left the northeast and traveled down to the Lowcountry of SC to take in the beach, Charleston, and my favorite forest. We were gone 19 days, drove through 11 states, slept in 7 different beds, traveled over 2,500 miles, and unpacked and repacked our car 15 times. I made a car survival kit for my children to endure our journey (like my mom used to do for my sister and me). It involved dice which led to categories ranging from games like trivia to treats like homemade cookies, whatever would break up the monotony from all the time in the car. Apparently, children today do not require such silly entertainment because they have screens on devices which allow them to escape anywhere. But, is this good for them?
On the road trip with my family, I learned the car survival kit was not giving my children a break from the miles. Instead, it was giving them a break from their devices. I had to initiate the times my sons would roll the dice leading them to conversation starters, sudoku, snacks, or trivia, and it was like pulling teeth, especially with my teenager. I remember being a kid and being bored. Now, I almost have to fight for my kids to feel boredom. Sherry Turkle writes in Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age that when we use devices and phones to pacify our children who say they are bored, “we are not teaching them that boredom can be recognized as your imagination calling you” (66).
When not on a road trip, my boys have to earn their screen time. They keep a log of what they did and for how long whether it was walking the dogs, exercising, playing ping-pong together (thanks, Mom), reading, drawing, etc. I love to see what they do and create when they are “bored.” Here is a galaxy my oldest son recently painted from his “imagination calling” him.
Children can turn to screens out of boredom maybe even play a game on their devices to escape, but I’d rather watch my youngest son play gin rummy with my father, a card game he introduced to me when I was a child. Seeing my son play gin with my dad has been one of my favorite memories over the past few years when my parents are visiting or when we’re on vacation together. My father’s face and voice is giving my child the occasion to talk, strategize, and laugh. Turkle gives a lot of data showing that screens (texts, social media, and emails) are not doing the job of conversation. They get a certain job done, but they do not allow for children to develop the skills for conversing nor do they give children the capacity for attachment, self-reflection, eye contact, and empathy.
Move a few years past my children and you have the age I teach, students who are approaching adulthood. Their struggle with anxiety is another reason I am over screens. In the spring, I was studying through Romans with the high school girls I teach. We were in chapter 6 of Paul’s letter. Verse 16 sparked a conversation. God tells us in this verse we “are slaves of the one whom [we] obey.” I asked my female students – What are you obeying right now? Are you obedient to having a certain look or reputation? Are you obedient to being seen as strong, no one can see you as weak? Are you obedient to being known as having it all together or having a certain GPA or ACT score? Are you obedient to being seen as someone whose appearance, grades, or approach to life seems effortless? I then had them create and design their “old self” as verse 6 calls it. They were to represent through pictures their “old self” – those things we are called to no longer be slaves to, the sin we are to crucify if we are marked by the crucifixion of Christ. Their designs are the featured image for this post. Do you notice what object is on all of their designs?
Almost every one of my female students had a picture of an iPhone on their design. Part of the rubric for this assignment (the scale for grading) was for explanations to be given for each picture. Here are the explanations given for why they believe they need to die to their phones. Their explanations fell into four categories. My phone leaves me . . .
Worrying about
- People’s opinions
- My appearance
- How others see me
- If I am good enough
- If I look productive
- My reputation
- Being liked
- Looking accomplished
- My body image
Wanting
- Recognition
- To look my best
- To appear put together
- Social media validation
- To be perfect
- Mental health
- To appear happy
- Everyone to compliment me
- The right look
Feeling
- Overwhelmed
- Too hard on myself
- Anxious from overthinking
- My value and validation comes from what’s being posted and communicated on my phone (and I know it should not)
- Obsessed with getting followers and likes
- Confused
- Trapped
- Discontent
Striving
- To find my identity there on my phone
- To listen to others opinions
- To look good for others
- To be someone I’m not
- For affirmation
- For toxic positivity
- For lots of phone notifications
These are insightful, honest young women. They hear God calling to them through the thickness of self-absorption in their culture. They see they need healthier boundaries with their phones. This list is exhausting. Students experience that exhaustion almost every moment of every day, and they want to die to it. But, they need help, as do my own children, as do I. We have to fight to reclaim face-to-face conversations. We have to fight for solitude and boredom. We have to fight the escape to our screens causing us to become stoned and out of touch with reality.
How do we fight the pull to being phone stoned? There are practical steps, such as, having device free zones in our homes, teaching our children to balance their screen time by having them earn it, putting our devices away at meals, and practicing sitting in solitude (which is not loneliness). But there is more . . .
Why does a device the size of our hands leave us worrying, thirsty, or feeling the way they do? Why do screens leave children and adults wanting? Because they are not the source of life. We are scraping for crumbs, digging in broken and empty cisterns (Jeremiah 2), and casting sliver and gold that cannot satisfy our hunger (Ezekiel 7), but Jesus is the bread of life and the living water. Only Jesus satisfies our souls and quenches our thirst, and he calls us to die to everything else. (If that sounds extreme, spend some time in Romans 6, Ephesians 4, and Colossians 3.)
May we take steps to create boundaries with screens (even reading blog posts!), may we reclaim conversation, and may we keep pointing ourselves and younger generations back to Jesus.